by: Phoenix Blackwood
Series: Surviving Youth Trilogy
Genre: LGBTQIA+ Coming of Age
Release Date: April 4, 2023
Publisher: Cinnabar Moth Publishing
From the outside, Alex has a perfect life. She has a partner who loves her, gets good grades in school, excels at most sports, and has a big heart. From the inside, Alex’s life is anything but perfect. She hasn’t spoken to her father in years. She’s hiding the fact that her once-best-friend now-romantic-partner Theo is trans and nonbinary from her homophobic mother. Bullies are harassing her and Theo at school, taunting and shoving. It’s all becoming too much for Alex to bear.
Things take a surprising turn when Alex’s mother discovers her relationship with Theo. After Alex is thrown out of her house and taken in by Theo’s foster family, Alex can live honestly. For a while, things start to feel manageable. Alex finds a new group of friends. She navigates what “family” means beyond her mother and sister. She even considers forgiving her mother’s past mistakes. But forgiveness requires honesty. Secrets Alex’s mother has been keeping are surfacing, trying to bind Alex to misery. As Alex learns the full truth of her mother’s past mistakes, she will need the love of her chosen family and friends to gently bind her life into a shape that keeps her whole.
**See the publisher’s website for content warnings.**
- You will make it. I know everything feels like too much all the time, like it’s going to be like this forever, but it won’t. The decision to go to college early will save your life. I know it’s scary, it’s a big change, but it’s so much better than where you are. It’ll be lonely at first, but then you’ll meet the best friend you’ve ever had, who loves you for you and not what you pretend to be.
- You don’t have to pretend anymore. Who you are is not wrong, it’s not something to be ashamed of. Everything in life so far has made you feel like you have to pretend, like it’s not okay, like everyone will hate you. The people that leave were never your friends in the first place. I’m sorry to say that almost everyone leaves, but your new friends will be so much better for you. You won’t feel judged, unworthy.
- You’ll get that job you’ve had your eye on for years once you graduate. It’s a difficult one, and it’s going to test you to your limits, but it’ll teach you so much. You’ll meet some great people there, ones who will stay in your life long after they leave the job and you’re still there. Things will change in the job, and after years of working there, it’ll be time for you to leave. Don’t doubt yourself in that decision, it’s what’s best for your health and sanity.
- Things might get bad for a little bit, but you’ll make it through. People will help when you’re struggling, no matter how dark you get. There will be a time when you get so dark, you can’t see a way out, that voice will become all-consuming, it’ll tell you to end it, that everyone would be better off for it. You’ll learn that that voice lies, that it’s a culmination of all the trauma you’ve been through and that its sinister ramblings don’t mean that you’re worthless, nothing. That voice will get quieter as you push through with the help of your friends, and you’ll learn how to ignore it and move forward with your life.
- You’re a beautiful person that can handle challenges far beyond you could ever imagine, and you’ll come out better for it. It’s a tough life, the one you’ve been given, but you’ll connect with some amazing people. People that believe in you, in your dreams. You’ll surround yourself with people that care. Your story will be heard.
I sat on my bed and pulled Theo down to my level, kissing them on the forehead. They sat down with me and kissed me on the lips until they were leaning over me and my hands were wrapped around the back of their neck, pulling them closer. They were so soft, always so tender. I focused all my attention on the kiss, so much so that I didn’t hear the small squeak of my door opening. Theo pulled away suddenly, jarring me and forcing me to look in the direction of their gaze.
Leah had opened the door. She stood there with her mouth open, her face frozen in wonder and confusion. She’d known Theo since we’d become friends, I bet she had never imagined finding us kissing when she opened my door.
Theo and I looked at each other in horror. The secret was out, how were we going to get her to keep quiet? We should’ve been more careful. We’d gotten too comfortable.
I signed for Leah to come sit between us on the bed. My face got hot as she sat and tears brimmed in my eyes. My mom could never, ever find out - Leah knowing was so dangerous. She looked up at me with wide eyes and signed, “Boyfriend?”
Theo must’ve seen the panic rising up in me, because they took over. They gently rested one hand on her shoulder to get her attention and then explained, “We love each other. I’m not a boy, but I’m still her partner. I’m like a boyfriend, just minus the boy part.”
Walking through the threshold of Theo’s house was like a weight lifting off my shoulders, all the tension of home and school falling away. This was what home was supposed to feel like. I flopped down on the couch and Theo joined me a couple minutes later with two mugs of tea, handing me one. I leaned into them as they wrapped an arm around my shoulders after turning the television on to the latest show we’d been binging. This felt so safe, so calm. A feeling I rarely got in my own home. Always on edge, an internal dissonance telling me that I wasn’t good enough. Here, I was everything I was supposed to be.
We watched television until Seth–Theo’s brother–made his way down the stairs and started rummaging through the kitchen to start dinner. The house was quickly filled with smells that made my mouth water - meat searing in a pan, vegetables being chopped, pasta water boiling. I sat in the scents until I couldn’t take it any longer and my stomach growled, causing me to get up and make my way into the kitchen.
Seth shot me a sly smile. “Probably another ten minutes.”
I pouted, staring at the food and willing it to cook faster.
Leah had opened the door. She stood there with her mouth open, her face frozen in wonder and confusion. She’d known Theo since we’d become friends, I bet she had never imagined finding us kissing when she opened my door.
Theo and I looked at each other in horror. The secret was out, how were we going to get her to keep quiet? We should’ve been more careful. We’d gotten too comfortable.
I signed for Leah to come sit between us on the bed. My face got hot as she sat and tears brimmed in my eyes. My mom could never, ever find out - Leah knowing was so dangerous. She looked up at me with wide eyes and signed, “Boyfriend?”
Theo must’ve seen the panic rising up in me, because they took over. They gently rested one hand on her shoulder to get her attention and then explained, “We love each other. I’m not a boy, but I’m still her partner. I’m like a boyfriend, just minus the boy part.”
Walking through the threshold of Theo’s house was like a weight lifting off my shoulders, all the tension of home and school falling away. This was what home was supposed to feel like. I flopped down on the couch and Theo joined me a couple minutes later with two mugs of tea, handing me one. I leaned into them as they wrapped an arm around my shoulders after turning the television on to the latest show we’d been binging. This felt so safe, so calm. A feeling I rarely got in my own home. Always on edge, an internal dissonance telling me that I wasn’t good enough. Here, I was everything I was supposed to be.
We watched television until Seth–Theo’s brother–made his way down the stairs and started rummaging through the kitchen to start dinner. The house was quickly filled with smells that made my mouth water - meat searing in a pan, vegetables being chopped, pasta water boiling. I sat in the scents until I couldn’t take it any longer and my stomach growled, causing me to get up and make my way into the kitchen.
Seth shot me a sly smile. “Probably another ten minutes.”
I pouted, staring at the food and willing it to cook faster.
Purchase The Love that Binds Us from:
The Surviving Youth Trilogy:
Born and raised in New England, Phoenix has always been a creative – whether it’s painting or writing. From a very young age, Phoenix has envisioned and created characters, writing them into existence and exploring them through visual arts. Having graduated to first-time short story author, Phoenix is embarking on a journey towards novel writing as they finally bring characters they’ve known for years into the world. Phoenix is neurodiverse and intersex and hopes to bring more representation to both topics with their writing. They believe in creating relatable characters that people can find themselves in and empathize with.
Places to find Phoenix Blackwood:
You can follow The Love that Binds Us Book Tour here.
Love the advice to your younger self.
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